Hope in Forgiveness

Apr 5, 2015 by

I’m writing this on Easter Sunday. A day of ultimate forgiveness.

Sunday’s used to be miserable for me. Chances were really good that I had spent the majority of my weekend in the smoke and lights of a casino. I had probably lost a lot of money. I was definitely hating myself and working on damage control.

Let me get more specific. I am at the Sea World Easter sunrise service. There was no casino. I haven’t done that for years. I feel good this morning. I’m going through some emotions but it’s nice. I enjoy being surrounded by people who find hope in the forgiveness of their beliefs. I am looking forward to hearing the service and listening to music by this year’s worship band Sanctus Real. I have my love by my side and I am happy.

I would not have been able to say that while gambling was my lover. I was continually miserable. It was an eternal roller coaster that usually ended up helping me hate myself.

I work on forgiveness for all of my losses from gambling. I could be living life more comfortably now if I had the money still. But I wouldn’t have my “education”. I wouldn’t be able to share that recovery is possible. I wouldn’t be able to show you what a life in recovery looks like. I’m not sure I would even have a story.

There is purpose in our journey.

Someday I have faith that I will be able to trust myself with money again. It gets better as I put effort into being trustworthy. I wasn’t before. I would spend every dime I had. 

Forgive, forgive, forgive. FORGIVE.

My hope for you is that you allow yourself to forgive yourself for your mistakes of the past, honor where you are and continue to learn and grow.

Be blessed.

Kim

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2 Comments

  1. Mary

    Love you Kim. Happy Easter! You are right! Forgive, forgive, forgive, not only ourselves but also those and perhaps the difficult situations that made us become such gamblers! I realize though that the “stopping” is never completely gained especially when you have health problems like I do at the moment. As casinos somehow “help” you at least for the day forget the other problems, but i have made a promise to myself to never begin again lke i used to and no longer have the money to do so anyway. Thanks for everything I’ll be writing to you soon Lots of love Mary

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