What Did I Do To Ease the Pain?

Nov 19, 2013 by

Yesterday I let you know that I was dealing with dancing around the milestone of my mom’s death. There are many different easily accessible options for gambling and being so low really opens the door for trouble.

Was I able to stand strong? Resist temptation? Maybe even do something healthy?

If you’ve been reading my blog for any time at all you know that I am a firm believer in Progress Not Perfection. That being said I am thrilled to tell you I let myself feel the sadness without adding to it.

I noticed that I found myself stepping back and watching. My emotions were like an ocean. They ebbed and flowed. If I let myself observe them they seemed to dissipate faster. When I obsessed about my loss they consumed me. I had read about this in books but I hadn’t really experienced it. It was weird. I mean, in theory it sounded brilliant. For someone else. Apparently I was in the right space to lean into this way of healing my heart. I felt proud.

I also leaned on my husband for support. The past 3 years have been incredibly tough on us and this actually brought us closer in our relationship. He was happy to help. He was generous with his hugs and cuddling which was perfect for me since touch is comforting to me. He was patient with me. I felt loved.

I stayed out of my social media for the most part so I could have a pure experience. I didn’t want to get fired up by what my friends posted. I would rather talk about my stuff when the bulk of the pain has passed. When something is posted you can’t take it back. I wasn’t in a position to be typing. I was quiet.

I played on Lili (my iPad) longer than I would like. However, this is probably my biggest win. I didn’t spend any money on coins for the variety of games I play (gah, Candy Crush be damned). I didn’t get lost in the screen. I actually came up for air. I used it as a break. I think my expectations on this one were set too high. Truth be told I kicked ass on my time.

I went to my go-to self care.

I walked around window shopping. I was aware that spending isn’t what makes me feel better. It’s the act of being around people without talking and being able to look at pretty things. I had company.

I comfort ate. I picked the foods that were indulgent and made sure that I didn’t make myself sick. I had delicious treats.

I got a massage. I’ve been nervous about the massage places here (no happy ending, tyvm) but I decided to just try one. I found a good price and went for it. She was wonderful. I was blissfully relaxed and relieved.

Finally, the best thing of all. I napped with my cat. I appreciate my mom’s last gift to me.

Thanks for being part of my journey.

Feel it baby.




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