Don’t Tease Me

Nov 29, 2013 by

Shopping late on Black Friday was eye opening for me.

I had seen a few posts on Facebook about being so nasty at shopping the day after we were supposed to be thankful for our blessings.

I saw a news report that showed Wal Mart shoppers rushing the piles of goods early on in the “event”. It looked like a mob not jolly Christmas shoppers. Is it even for Christmas or has it become the thrill of the chase? I heard the term “Giftmas” today. That struck a chord.

Those thoughts were a little disturbing but since they were farther removed from me they paled in comparison to my personal aha moment.

My big kidlet was excited about some Beats by Dre (headphones and earbuds). He wanted me to hear how great they sounded and said he would love to have some.

My reactions shocked me.

At first I said no I didn’t want to hear them.

Hubs chimed in and said they were amazing and that I should just try them.

I lashed out with a crappy comment about not getting to have them anyway so why would I want to tease myself?

Wait, what?

Why did that come out just from my family wanting to share something great with me?

I’m going to break it down in a few words:

I’m Not Worthy.

Now, here’s the kicker:

I’m happy to buy it for other people.

Obviously I have some big nasty beliefs that are ruining my happiness.

Other people are worth the money.

Other people can enjoy nice things.

I support and encourage other people having nice things

Don’t tease me with something I can’t have!

Wait, why can’t I have it? Oh, right, those crappy beliefs that tell me not to get my hopes up so it won’t hurt as much when I’m let down.

My husband says it best:

You don’t let yourself dream.

He’s right. And that goes against the core of my belief system. Thoughts become things. I create my reality.

Well, I’m creating it alright.

Awareness is Power. I am in a place to change.

So many times I haven’t been able to do anything about who I was or what I did, especially while I was in my gambling addiction. I was powerless. The best of intentions weren’t strong enough to fight my self destruction. My emotions have been severely underdeveloped and it feels like I’m learning to walk again. Sometimes it’s just nice to rest. I think I’m finally past my plateau from the past few years. I’m seeing chances to grow right now and I am tackling them.

Aim High

I chose to do something different today.

The 3 of us stood side by side. I smiled as hubs danced. They are right. The headphones are amazing. I heard them.

“Hearing” the message loud and clear was a powerful experience.

Do you let yourself dream?

WE ARE WORTHY!!! DREAM BIG!!!

Blessings my friends,

Kim

 

 

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