Has Gambling Ever Made Your Home Life Unhappy?

Aug 20, 2012 by

This is post 3 out of a 21 post series.

Gambler’s Anonymous has Twenty Questions to help you decide whether or not you have a gambling problem. At the height of my gambling addiction I answered yes to all twenty.

I am sharing my answers from Then and Now with the hope that you might find some insight into your own feelings. Maybe even use my example of Then for confirmation of where you don’t want to be! Or, while I may not be perfect Now, you can see that my life sure is a lot better (you know, moments of sanity, peace, relaxation, etc. :-)  ).

Think about your own answers as you read mine.

2. Has gambling ever made your home life unhappy?

Then:

Yes.

I didn’t gamble very heavily while I was married. When my marriage ended I spent more time in the casinos because I didn’t have “any” reason to go home. I was extremely unhappy. The more I played to escape my troubles the worse I felt. I neglected my home. I wasn’t doing the gardening. I didn’t mow the lawn. I didn’t even water the lawn (eventually that worked out since there was less to feel guilty about not mowing). Each and every time I went home I realized how miserable I was and how much I hated my life at the moment.

There was always a solution for that.

Yep. I went back to the casino. Or to the corner grocery store. It depended on the level of my frenzy to escape.

As a side note, due to all the memories in my house I decided to sell it. However, the apartment I moved into didn’t help things one bit. What a shock.

Now:

Yes.

Are you surprised?

I enjoy receiving inspiration for my writing in Las Vegas. I also like to gamble for a while when I go. As I have said in previous posts, I can’t gamble “normally” for very long.

My current husband knows where I have been. He has supported me through thick and thin. He doesn’t want to see me suffer or be drawn back into my addiction. He is protective.

I am stubborn. I want to gamble. I want to be normal. We argue about whether I should or not. Tensions rise. Vacations are ruined. Now he is scared to go with me. I sincerely feel I am okay. He says it’s an excuse. He says, she says.

So, yes, gambling continues to be an unhappy discussion in my home.

As I answer this question I start to worry. What if I still answer yes to seven or more? Will I always have a gambling problem? Have I made any progress at all? Am I a failure? Maybe I shouldn’t even be writing about this. After all, who am I?

What a stupid voice in my head that is. My mind still plays games with me. I wonder if it always will. I believe that a certain amount of questioning can be a good thing. It can also consume me and set me back. When I’m being honest with myself I know that I have made massive amounts of progress. I’m quite proud of that.

I am not the same person I used to be! Hallelujah for that!

As always, I would love to hear any thoughts and comments you have. Please feel free to leave them below.

Many Blessings. Take Care my friends.

Kim

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