The Aurora Theater Shootings…It’s Personal
More than likely you’ve heard the news about theater shootings in a suburb of Denver on July 20th. It was a senseless act of violence that has changed the lives of so many people, including myself and my families.
I’ve waited a few days to express my feelings on my blog. I’ve been talking about it a little bit on Facebook (join me there if you haven’t already www.facebook.com/janecares ).Truly what I’ve been doing is updating pictures. I haven’t been able to open up much and share the devastation. Mine is minute compared to others.
Or is it?
Obviously validating myself is something I still struggle with, but this is a great opportunity to practice. I don’t need to compare my feelings to others. I want to share what is happening in my life, especially since I feel so strongly about you sharing the troubles in yours! In comparison our troubles are probably small, but to us they are significant. And that makes them important.
I can see the theater from my work. They closed off our parking lot to do the press conferences and the candlelight vigil.
My coworkers have been personally effected. Two of them lost friends. One of them had 30 friends in the theater. One of them has a daughter who was working there at the time of the shootings.
Both of my step kids knew people who knew people in the theater.
My step son and a coworker were going to be in that theater but their plans didn’t work out.
So many thoughts have been going through my head. So many emotions have been going through my heart. So much to say, and yet nothing to say at all.
I live in a community that remains dazed. I’m cautious about asking how people are doing. So many scattered thoughts and so much pain.
I was complaining to my husband last night that he hasn’t been there for me. I thought he was doing ok. I knew that he was worried about how his boys were handling it, but I hadn’t heard him say much else. He blurted out that I’m right. He hasn’t been there for me. He’s trying to take care of himself because I haven’t been there for him. I realized that I didn’t understand, and I asked him how he was.
He started sobbing.
He almost lost his oldest son. And he couldn’t do anything to protect him. My husband had agreed to let him go to the midnight showing. My step son was blessed because, for whatever reason, he drove by that theater and decided not to go to that one. So many what if’s are going through his head.
I didn’t know.
As he talked I discovered that he is experiencing many of the same emotions and thoughts that I am going through.
If this were our last day on earth would we be satisfied with the way we are living our lives this very moment?
I have been re-evaluating my entire life. I want to do so much more with my work with gamblers. I want so much more depth from my relationships that I choose to keep. I want to drop things that aren’t good for me. I am choosing to see the accomplishments I have made in my life as well. I look at my bucket list and realize that I am making great progress. Through the years if I want to do something I have been doing it. I tell the people close to me that I love them.
These are just a few examples.
I want more depth from my life.
The thing I’m most proud of?
I am experiencing the emotions around this tragedy. I am choosing not to gamble or numb out from the situation. It would be easy to go gambling up on the hill in Blackhawk or Century City. I could be in a casino in 45 minutes. I could fly to Vegas and drown my sorrow in the neon lights.
Sunday I went to the prayer vigil. I literally walked out of work and on to our lawn where thousands of people were gathering. The strong sense of community was…beyond words. We hugged, we cried, we prayed and we celebrated the healing that is beginning. Yesterday I got a massage. Today I am finally blogging which is my way of talking through my feelings. I have been listening to uplifting music. I am reading uplifting books.
We all have choices.
I am choosing to Live My Life.
Blessings my friends. Take Care.