Feed Your Mind
Do you ever sit back and look at the way you’re thinking about things?
At the moment I’m working on figuring out how I can nurture myself. I want to embrace being the Queen of my own Heart. I’ve been dependent on others to fill that need. If they wouldn’t take care of me I have been miserable. I would feel worthless. Because I didn’t know how to care for myself I would be more inclined to gamble or numb out in some fashion. At least the pain of rejection and loneliness would go away for a while.
I came home from work yesterday happy to see my husband and hoping he would be happy to see me. He was depressed. He had to deal with family issues and us not having enough money (a consequence of my gambling). I woke up wanting words of kindness and loving touch from my husband this morning. Since he was running late for work and I didn’t want to be a burden I didn’t tell him I needed some extra affection.
I have this thing about staying out-of-the-way and not causing problems. I figure if I get what I need from others then I’m lucky. Oh, so much work to do on that one!
I stayed in bed for hours, moping and dozing off and on. As this morning went on I felt even worse. I finally decided to drag my carcass out of bed and get dressed. I wanted to start changing the way I feel.
I came downstairs but I was pacing like a caged animal. I had no idea what I wanted. So I stopped and though about it. I wanted to eat but nothing sounded good. I wanted a drink but I was too lazy to make it.
I listened to the birds singing for a few minutes. Should it really be this hard to take care of myself? Well, after years of relying on someone else to rescue you, yes, it is expected to be this hard.
The birds gave me a little pep. Ok, I would like some hot chocolate. Fine. That was easier once I had a direction. Is that a key?
Next step. Take my cocoa, grab a positive book and sit.
I only had to read for a few minutes and take a few sips before something magical happened. Seriously, magical. I started feeling better.
Then it occurred to me that I would like to work this out through words and that I may as well share my nuttiness. I grabbed my iPad and sat in my comfy chair. I am sipping my cocoa as I type this, still listening to the birds and other pleasant sounds that have been allowed inside my head.
Why am I showing you this process?
I have learned that many of us have similar thought patterns. I remain committed to helping myself and my readers get to a place of feeling better and being strong enough to break the chains of gambling.
In a nutshell this is what happened:
- I let my fears take hold of me.
- I sat paralyzed by those fears for a while.
- I made a conscious decision to literally get up and get moving.
- Slowly I continued to make positive decisions that fed my brain healthy thoughts.
- I decided to share my journey with you which is another positive decision.
Feeding my brain healthy thoughts was a turning point. I went from the “poor me, I can’t do it” to “yes I can do it and I’m going to share my success.”
Reading a book may not be your thing. Perhaps a walk, some music, cooking…cleaning? Pick something positive for you that can give you a boost and get your momentum moving in the right direction!
P.S. The book I picked up this morning was The Cosmic Ordering Service by Barbel Mohr. It was something that popped out at me in the library a while ago, so I gave it a shot.