The Power of Connection

May 3, 2012 by

I have recently been strongly encouraged to make and deepen connections with people. I haven’t been sharing intimate details of my life for a while. I have been listening, but my sharing has been lacking. I imagine that people don’t want to hear about my troubles. Surely they will like me more if I’m not a bummer. I need people to like me. I need approval. Unfortunately it is keeping others at a distance. People who care about me don’t know what’s been going on and why they haven’t heard from me.

I decided that this isn’t going away on its own. I keep making little starts but I’m need help in moving forward. The bottom line is that I am devastated by my mom’s death. I know it’s been months. Apparently there isn’t a time limit on the healing. Go figure. I had no idea how much I would be effected by it. The truth is that it’s hard to keep my head up.

I am reaching out for help. I am on my way to visit my best friend who is more like a sister to me. I’m speaking to people instead of avoiding them. I am encouraging more interaction with folks who gamble and need my help.

This experience is a solid reminder of the hole I was in with gambling. I knew that there was a problem, but I had to be ready before I could deal with it. And, as usual for me, I have been kinda ready numerous times and made baby steps. Then I will retreat to my safety because it’s too scary. Each time I crawl back under the rock I feel even worse because I have yet another thing I have failed at. I have been weak and I need to make continuous choices to grow stronger. I have been opening up sharing that I’m not ok.

In the recent past the smile on my face is usually forced. Now I am being more open and letting friends comfort me instead of hiding my pain from them. I even joined a team at work that holds each of the members accountable for exercising. Each little step is a step toward feeling better.

I have enlisted the help of a village because I can’t do it on my own.

Are you ready for your village?


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