I Have Been Noticing…

Feb 13, 2012 by

So many people around me are hurting right now…deeply. It’s unsettling yet encouraging. Major renewal is happening, including my own. I am reminded of butterflies emerging from their painful transformations as something brilliantly beautiful.

One of my main questions lately has been how much of the process can I help with?

I don’t want to interfere with the growth and yet it’s hard for me to see the suffering. Lately, as I have said in past posts, my therapist has been reminding me that I need to learn to sit with my discomfort. I have grown accustomed to immediate relief. In the past I would just numb out with my gambling addiction and not have to deal with much of anything. I know that people around me are using their own escapes as coping mechanisms too.

That being said, I am finding that I am offering hugs, a shoulder to lean on and limited emotional support. I will listen when they need to talk and be a comedian when they need to laugh. They are still using their escapes, but I know in my heart that I am providing a sense of relief, even if it is only for a little while.

Isn’t that what we really need? The burden becomes too difficult to carry when we don’t get a break from our drama. And, of course, the burden is still there when we escape into our numbness. I think that finding a good balance of support is quite helpful to get us through the trials and tribulations of life.

Here’s the kicker: Is it possible that you are wanting to help others as a way to escape your own problems?

I noticed that sometimes I have been frenzied to help my friends. I want desperately to help ease their pain because they are hurting so deeply. It’s hard for me to sit back and allow them to go through their own process. I want to swoop in and save the day. Along the way I realized that I need to save my day. My energy has been pretty well drained lately and I’m finding that it’s hard to take care of myself let alone anyone else. In some ways it helps me keep my head in reality. In other ways it helps me avoid my own issues.

What’s the right way to handle things? Probably simply the way we do it. I believe that we do things to the best of our ability at the time. Allow yourself the chance to see a growth opportunity for yourself and also recognize your limits when you are serving others. Take the time to step back to see what your motives are for helping and how it’s actually making you feel. Your body and emotions will let you know the right moves. Pay attention to the signs around you. They are present if you allow yourself to see them.

Helping others is a good thing. Being obsessed with it to avoid your own life is not.

Happy balancing everybody!

P.S. I would love to hear your comments on your experiences or thoughts on things.

 

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