Wake Up Calls
I have often said that it takes a 2×4 to get me to understand something. While I work at hearing things on the “whisper”, chances are good I will miss the message. I’ve lost touch with my inner voice. I’ve kicked into survival mode and have been working on keeping my head above water.
The problem with survival mode is that it’s incredibly difficult to see the opportunities to thrive. There is very little dancing, laughing, or even breathing. It becomes all about how to make it to the next moment and bitching about how much your life sucks. Sigh.
I’ve been barreling through the past year. I have been staying up too late, getting up too early, stretching myself so thin that everyone around me gets a diluted version of me.
Until I was hit with a giant brick. I hadn’t noticed the smaller ones before, but this one was huge.
My best friend recently lost a family member and I wasn’t there. I didn’t check my message when she called.
I wasn’t there for her.
The shell of who I have become has been hiding from voice mails, emails, facebook, blogging, tweeting…well, hiding from thriving and connection. Not being available for her is completely unacceptable.
As I thought and felt more about it, I realized that lately I haven’t been fully available for anyone, including myself.
Perhaps you know the feeling. The last time I felt this way was when I was in the depth of my gambling addiction. The difference was that I wasn’t running like crazy in life. Instead, I was running like crazy in the casinos. All I could think about was the next time I would get to play and that was pretty much the only thing that mattered.
I feel like I’ve been building up a wall of bricks around me (with gambling and now with my current situation). I’ve been very careful about the way I have been piling things up, but they are starting to topple and fall on my head. It’s time to take a sledge hammer and knock the wall down before it knocks me down again.
It’s time to Wake Up. I will not exist like this anymore.
Typically my changes come in a series of starts and stalls. Now it’s time to ask myself if that is acceptable. I think I want to kick it up a notch and Go Big. But how much do I want it? Was this brick big enough? Is it really time to get back to myself? I do know that I’ve grown tired of trying so hard to please everyone else. It’s time to start being ok with myself. Pleasing myself sounds divine.
Being true to myself…reclaiming my truth, my uniqueness, my sauciness…sounds beautiful.
Have you become lost along the way too? Lets get back to ourselves together.
- Do one thing (then another, etc.) that we have been putting off. Pick the easiest move to get the ball rolling.
- Find something that brings us joy…and then do it (I’m thinking about taking a sewing class).
- Spend a few minutes forgiving ourselves in the mirror (no more fat, ugly, old, etc. thoughts).
- Reconnect to the good life (we deserve it).
Keep getting back up my friends…
P.S. Writing is my passion…and it really feels good to blog again. Thanks for coming with me.