What Is My Problem?

Jul 11, 2011 by

This is completely ridiculous. I let myself stop posting for one day and it turns into EIGHT?! I refuse to let this get me too far down. I am determined to figure out how to get back on track again. I have faith that the struggles I’m going through may be similar to some you might be experiencing, so I refuse to stay quiet about it.

It feels like I’m running away from commitment again.

One of my big stumbling blocks has been being unable to do something continuously good for me. I consider writing my therapy, so clearly something inside me is trying to sabotage things.

I wonder: Is it even important to figure out the why of what is going on?

Well, I need to look briefly at the process I’ve been going through so I may not go down the same road again next time. Over-analyzing it will get me down and make things worse, so I will just take a peek. I know my energy would be better spent by focusing on what I want in my life instead of living in the past (another stumbling block).

I noticed that during each of the past eight days I would blog in my head. I’ve even started posts on my computer and on my phone. I’ve written ideas down on paper and run thoughts by my husband. So, the trouble isn’t that I haven’t been thinking about it.

The problem is that I haven’t been doing it.

I find myself in similar situations when I’m working on changing something in my life. I think this is probably why it took me so long to get my gambling under control. Doing something good continuously (not gambling, no Dr Pepper, establishing a walking/exercise routine…whatever it is that I’m trying to change) means advancing forward in life. I’m usually pretty comfortable in my misery. I don’t take too well to someone moving my cheese and yet I think that I like flexibility in life. I made my husband wait 3 years before I finally agreed to marry him. It wasn’t that I wanted to go anywhere else, I was just scared of screwing it up again. Oh, that’s a good awareness and worth repeating.

I was scared of screwing it up again.

I probably make myself fail early on so I won’t have to go through the pain of doing it later. That sucks…and it feels like that is what is going on.

I may stumble from time to time. I may even tell myself that I will lose respect, readers, and will have to start over.

In the end…along the way…I REFUSE TO BE DEFEATED!

Whether I have to schedule time to type, sacrifice time with my family or sleep a little bit less, I will, eventually, blog for 21 days straight. Because, truth be told, I am committed to US!

I never give up hope for you and I’m not about to give up on myself.

Do you have any tips for continual forward movement you would like to share? I’d love to hear them!


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