50% Request

Jun 30, 2011 by Kim Pottle

A few years ago a counselor we had introduced me to the idea of a 50% request. Just because I ask for something in my relationship does not mean I am entitled to it, or that I will get it. It means that I have made a request of another person and that they may or may not grant it.

The way I saw it was that I didn’t ask for much. I would only speak up when it was important to me. I speak up when I’m not feeling well and when I need attention. I speak up when I have a problem I need to deal with. I speak up when it’s important enough for me to ask for something.

I don’t handle the rejection well. When I’m not feeling well I like to be comforted, not lectured for why I’m not getting what I ask for.

Apparently I lash out when I’m hurting. I push people away. And so, naturally I don’t get what I want. I get exactly the opposite.

Today I begged for help. I was told that my anger and resentment were causing problems. My request was denied. I haven’t quite figured out how to make that ok. I don’t want to be alone. I want to be comforted and held and told how important I am and that everything is ok. I want the nightmares to stop. I want to get some more sleep.

I want to feel better.

And yet I don’t gamble. This would have been a prime candidate for escape. I’m still new at these feelings. I don’t like them. They are uncomfortable. Sometimes I even do something to make myself better instead of looking outside myself. I actually flip through my book for ideas occasionally. I’m doing my best to keep my chin up. Half the time I don’t do it well, so I hide from the world. Maybe I should tell you about that tomorrow.

So, my truth for today is that my important requests are only 50%. And the failure rate is pretty high. And that sucks.

Related posts:

1. The Unshakable Shame of a Gambler
2. No, No, No
3. Stop Wasting Your Time