An Emotional Day

Apr 8, 2011 by

Tuesday I felt terrible. I didn’t want to do anything. I was lost. I didn’t want to take care of myself. It was a day like this in my past that I would find great comfort in the familiarity of a casino. I could play my troubles away. I could numb myself to the pain. That way of life was an expensive waste.

And that’s exactly why I need to be aware of what was going on with my emotions!

I don’t want to be numb anymore. I took time to notice how I was feeling, instead of riding the waves of my emotions. While I was checking in with myself, I found that I was being triggered all over the place. I knew that I was in danger because I felt so bad. The thought of taking the “easy” way out crossed my mind. It would have been nice to have something better to feel bad about. BUT, at this point in my life I am ready to Do Something Else.

So, here’s what I did:

  • I walked around through stores, being careful not to spend my feelings away.
  • When that wasn’t working I sat…wherever I was at. I sat in the car. I found a spot in a store to sit.
  • I stopped to regroup.
  • And, my number one comfort of the day was eating. I treated myself to a few things I don’t normally eat. While it’s not the greatest for me, it was a temporary fix and I was desperate. I’d rather eat than gamble.

Usually when I’m in a rotten mood I will go get a foot massage. It’s an inexpensive way to give myself a boost. I wasn’t even feeling like doing that. I had gone back to the place of not feeling worthy of spending money on myself.

However, even through all that, I managed to hold on until I could get to the comfort of something bigger. On this day it was my family.

I think it’s important to understand that we all will have bad days. It doesn’t mean you’ve relapsed or that you’re a bad person or that there is something wrong with you. A tough day is perfectly normal. It’s part of life. Even if you have to hold on by your fingertips, you’ve got to remember that this too shall pass. Your job is to hang in there until it does. And, if you’re able to turn your day around in the moment, you’re one step ahead of the game.

If you haven’t already, figure out what is going to occupy your time until your urges pass.

What about some physical activity? Something fun? Something you used to enjoy until your habit took over your thoughts? That would be great to get back in touch with!

Write the things down and put them in your wallet. Keeping it handy will help you when you really need it. Having an end in mind helps as well. I knew that my family would comfort me. Find something you have to look forward to. I know it’s there.

Above all ~ Keep your chin up!

P.S. If you found value in this post please be sure to share it with someone else. I’d love to hear your comments as well. We need to keep each other going and sharing our lives is a wonderful way to do that!

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