Another Loss From Gambling

Sep 23, 2010 by

I’m sure you’re well aware that gambling can eat up your savings account. Did you know that money isn’t the only thing that’s being taken away from you? Have you been looking at your other losses too? Today I’m dealing with the effect of running away from my emotions for so long and neglecting my friendships.

Now that gambling doesn’t consume me I’ve noticed that its really difficult for me to deal with my emotions alone.  I have come to a point where I feel that I need help dealing with an important life issue that really scares me. I want to talk about it to sort out my feelings. I’m still not good at knowing my real feelings. I’ve escaped too many times and I just don’t have much experience sitting and understanding myself. I’m doing better than I used to, so I know that I’m making progress and I’m choosing to give myself credit for that. I’m just not where I want to be.

I used to be so busy gambling that I turned my back on my friends. I’m working to repair those relationships now and I’m in the process of creating new ones. Sometimes I get mad at myself because I feel like I have nowhere to turn and its my own fault.

The point of this post is to help you realize that money isn’t our only loss. When we’re stuck in our addictions we don’t realize what we are missing. When we step outside our gambling we are able to see a completely different world. It’s probably better to stop running sooner than later. Together we can take those steps toward a life of healing and pleasure. I feel better knowing that I’m not the only one going through this. It’s nice to share experiences with someone else. It may not happen as soon as we want it, especially since we are so used to our instant gratification. Even a rotten day like today still feels like a good day compared to the abuse I used to give myself while I was gambling.

Something I’m working on at the moment is not expecting unreasonable things from others. I get so excited that I know what I want. Then I ask for what I need. And when I’m turned down I throw a temper tantrum. I want the other person to be excited for me too and to want to take care of me. After all, I take care of them the best way I can. The truth I need to learn is that its up to me to take care of me. Other people in my life are a precious gift. It’s not their job to hold me. It’s not their job to take care of me. It’s not their job to rescue me.

It’s my job to rescue me.

There’s hope you know. It’s not too late to change. Each and every day I work on understanding myself a bit better. I am accepting responsibility and repairing the damage I caused. I work on knowing what I need for comfort. I peel the layers back to expose who I really am. I appreciate the friendships that I have now and I make the choice to tell them that I cherish them. I’m not willing to lose any more. Its time to build my life back up and forgive myself for those mistakes. I am worthy and I deserve the best after all. So do you.

P.S. I am committed to living my life with feeling. Even when it hurts. I’ve pulled out my book (Numb No More) again so I can remind myself…of who I am and what I can do to help myself. I think I may just go catch a movie. Or have a nice lunch. Or reach out to someone who loves me.

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3 Comments

  1. YOU ROCK!!!!!!

    Loves!!

  2. Suzanne

    So amazingly true, but there is light at the end just keep walking towards it.

  3. Aloha Kim, for you to recognize and proclaim your inner battles is a break through for you. I believe you will overcome this, because you see the loss, pain and tribulations of it. For the body to mend, unite your spirit as one with your body and keep your spirit strong as it is. My prayers with you and I know you will overcome. God bless you in the name of Jesus! Lanikee.com

    PS..come by and share a sweet comment. The benefits are sharing is caring. Mahalo! :)

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