This Was My Gambling Addiction

Jun 5, 2010 by

This was my Life

There is Never Enough

I’m pulling back the curtain on my gambling addiction.  Since I have already written a book and laid my life out on the line, and the fact that I have tended to journal through the rough spots in life, I have decided to give you a better look into my thoughts at the time of my struggles.  I am posting random journal entries with the hope that you will find comfort in knowing that you aren’t alone and that there is hope.  You can find them  under the category of Take a Peek.  I have used these experiences to strengthen my coaching and understanding.  Please keep me in mind when you are ready for help.  Here we go:

9-12-06 2:37 am

Oh, I just love to gamble, and win.  But, how little I win and how often am I coherent enough to enjoy it?  I promised myself I wouldn’t play after I sold the house…I quit after every time I lose (usually).

I actually took a loss break tonight.  All I could think about was going back to gamble.

I’m lonely.  I miss the feeling of someone lovingly touching me.  I miss having sex.  I miss the passion.

I miss having problems other than my addiction.

Please feel free to leave comments and share if you find value in this blog.  Thank You.

Bookmark and Share

Related Posts

Share This

8 Comments

  1. Phil Donnelly-Rooney

    thank you for sharing. I’m lucky not to have an addition, but I know lots who have. What made you decide to change it?

    • Kim Pottle

      The games lost their fun and I became a slave to gambling. Once I realized this I tried a variety of ways to quit (including GA, an outpatient program and cold turkey). Each time I quit I was feeling better and enjoying it. I learned what the crazy thoughts were for me, also known as triggers, and worked to avoid them. I found that the more I forgave myself for my weakness (I sucked at quitting) the easier it was to stay out of a casino. For example, I would put a week of “clean” time together and decide I could handle it again so I’d go play. To this day I can’t “handle” it well. I would play and the frenzy from my addiction to it would cause a mental and physical crash. When that wreck came to a stop I would come away from it knowing that I need to choose a different path or continually suffer. Eventually I began to let myself feel better in a healthy way and each day I learn to deal with my feelings instead of running away from reality.

      By the way, I don’t know a single person who isn’t addicted to something…you are rare! Whether it’s work, eating, internet, chocolate, sports or whatever ~ we seem to all do something to the extreme.

  2. Michele Powell

    More more more…. lol. Sorry Hunny, but your past pain is something I can really relate to and it helps to see on page what I feel inside. Luv ya Kid!
    Thanks for opening your soul for us!

    • Kim Pottle

      Then you will enjoy my journals…I actually decided to post them with you in mind. You are the reason I have to keep going. I remember how lost and alone I felt because I isolated. I will be present with a hand to hold when those struggling (including you) are ready! You are welcome <3

  3. Wow! Your courage is inspiring, my friend. To bare your soul on such a deep and personal level is truly a gift. Thanks for reaching out to help others through what can truly be the darkest night of the soul.

    • Kim Pottle

      Well thanks Holly! Most days it seem like I don’t really have a choice. I have a beautiful gift of experience and I need to share it. I still look forward to reading your book…I saw a copy of it in the Payson East West Exchange. That was fun and encouraging for me. I know that I will be able to use the wisdom on the pages to help those around me as well.

  4. I used to have a bit of gambing addiction along with my drug & alcohol addiction combined. But, 3-4 yrs ago when I sought help with my drug & alcohol addiction, the gambling one left also. but recently I started buying LOTTERY TICKETS AGAIN/??I only bought 4 so far, and I never won a thing. I was very dissappointed in myself. Plus God is very dissappointed in me also I can feel it inside my heart. I think I better give this another good think before I buy any more tickets in the future. THANKS FOR SHARING YOUR ADDICTION WITH US ALL. It’s been hard for me also, but I am clean for 2 yrs now. I LOVE IT!

    • Kim Pottle

      I think addictions to various things have a lot of similarities. I hope you will please consider this: being hard on yourself can set you into a tail spin. Practicing awareness (you know that it isn’t the right decision for you) and forgiveness (I did it, but now I’m thankful that I know better) is a powerful and loving way to move through things. When I was ashamed of my behavior I was that much worse because I figured “what’s the use. I already blew it.” You are a precious child of God…and I appreciate you sharing your healing with the world.

      Thanks for your encouragement…and you’re welcome!

Leave a Reply