Do I Really Want To FEEL This?

May 5, 2010 by

Feeling a bit PricklyReality alert!

Maybe you can relate to this: Sometimes I convince myself that life just sucks.

There are days I don’t want to get out of bed. Those are the days when gambling used to be like a magic eraser for me. Maybe you drink, or pop pills or veg out in front of the tv or computer. We all make choices, right?  We have the choice of whether or not we want to continue living in our sad and lonely place. I have occasionally been known to carry mine around with me for years. I am learning to change the way I’m feeling into something much better for me.

Most days I do pretty well with it.  The difficult thing for me has been to decide to actually feel where I’m at.  In my past, and presently more often than I’d like to admit, whenever I was hurting I would escape into a fantasy land.  My destructive escape of preference has been gambling and video poker with surfing the internet at a close second.  I didn’t have to feel anything and I could distract myself long enough to get me through the day without crashing.

It turns out that doesn’t actually help the situation any.

I have made the commitment to myself to live my life and sit in my stuff instead of running away from it.  Sometimes that really sucks, especially at first.  I find myself thinking that it would be so much easier to numb out and hope that my uncomfortable feelings will go away.  Sometimes I take the easy way out and go back to my old habits. I’m not perfect. For the most part I honor myself and do the right thing. Each time it gets better and more natural. Along the way I’ve made a major discovery…

Those feelings don’t go away on their own.  It feels like every emotion I ran away from was stuffed in a closet (a rather large closet…Mariah Carey style).  Eventually the door starts to bulge and random slimy feelings start oozing out.  One way or another they want my attention.  And they are willing to wait.

The things I thought I had gotten rid of years ago are still in that stupid closet.  Now that I have come back to reality it’s time to look inside.  Sometimes I get buried with my stuff.  The goal for me is to remember to look at it one piece at a time.

One step at a time, one emotion at a time.

When it actually works I do my best to be proud of myself and remember that it’s a step in the right direction.  When I get caught up in the drama and run away I give myself a break and remember that there will be other times to practice.  I have found that the more I beat myself up the worse my situation gets because I get the F it all attitude.

Here are some Keys to Success:

  • Take it one step at a time – one emotion, experience, memory, etc.
  • Look at it lovingly…and let it go (here are some suggestions to help with that)
  • Repeat as often as you need – you may not feel better right away.
  • Don’t force yourself look at something you aren’t ready for.
  • Give yourself a break!
  • Reward yourself for a job well done.

I hope this helps your life in some way.  I’d love to hear your thoughts!  Please feel free to share with your friends as well.  Thanks!

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2 Comments

  1. Alice

    Hi Is there a cost for this site.? I just got done reading your book, Numb No More! What a wonderful book! I am a compulsive women ganbler and I could see my self in your situation LOTS of times in your book… the no eating ,, the going to the ATM machines, waiting for a machine to pay off, winning money and then spending most of the winnings hoping to wind more. One night I was ahead by $900 and went home with $600,, I kept thinking what did I do with the other $300???
    Other times wihen I would use the number of times on my credit card and went home with no money I would tell myslelf on the way home this is it no more, only to find myself there at the casino a week later doing the same thing!!
    Alice

    • Kim Pottle

      Hello Alice! Its so nice to meet you! I am thrilled to hear you enjoyed my book…and could RELATE! You are the reason I wrote it and I’m glad you found me.

      I don’t charge for my blog posts, tweets (http://www.twitter.com/janecares), or facebook (http://www.facebook.com/janecares). I do, however, make myself available for one on one life coaching. As you know, making a change (whether you want awareness or to play better or quit all together) is easier to accomplish when you have someone in your corner that supports and encourages you. My blessing is that I understand the pain of gambling and I know some of what you’re going through. I can’t tell you how many times somebody said to me “whats the big deal?” or looked down their nose at me. I get it and I’m here to help…wherever you are in life.

      Please keep in touch and thanks so much for taking the time to say hello!

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