Come Back Around

Jun 25, 2015 by

If you're new here, you may want to subscribe to my RSS feed. Thanks for visiting! Are you feeling a little lost? Have you been off your desired track for a while? Focused in an area that may not be good for you? Maybe you’re simply ready for a change. My hope is that you use this post as a way to turn it around. Feel free to remove any limits you have on yourself. It doesn’t have to be a monumental step forward. Starting with a single step may be all you need to get your momentum rolling. Set yourself up for success! Here’s the deal: When I run into problems with something I will avoid it like the plague. On an update in April one of my main plug ins for the...

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9 Days Near My Favorite Casinos...

Apr 7, 2015 by

   I returned to Phoenix knowing that I would be in numerous emotional situations. My husband’s niece was getting married and there would be a fair amount of his family in town for the event. Including his ex wife. I considered not going. In fact, I leaned toward it. My husband asked me to go for him so I chose to make it work. I hadn’t really thought through the fact that my favorite casinos would be there to catch me if I fell. They used to be my companions when I was feeling down in the desert. Even though I love Arizona it brings up many emotions of failure and loss for me. I’m still not great at allowing myself to enjoy something either. The combination of the two was usually a cocktail...

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Hope in Forgiveness

Apr 5, 2015 by

I’m writing this on Easter Sunday. A day of ultimate forgiveness. Sunday’s used to be miserable for me. Chances were really good that I had spent the majority of my weekend in the smoke and lights of a casino. I had probably lost a lot of money. I was definitely hating myself and working on damage control. Let me get more specific. I am at the Sea World Easter sunrise service. There was no casino. I haven’t done that for years. I feel good this morning. I’m going through some emotions but it’s nice. I enjoy being surrounded by people who find hope in the forgiveness of their beliefs. I am looking forward to hearing the service and listening to music by this year’s worship band Sanctus Real. I have my love by my...

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Begin Where You Are

Mar 30, 2015 by

   I can’t say that. Nobody will care about this. I’m too tired. I don’t feel good. I will write in the morning. I need to think more about the ideas. I need a picture. I’ve been gone too long. It’s all wrong. Excuses. I sat down at McDonald’s with the intention of writing. I have been really afraid of rejection in life lately which is the exact reason I need to speak up. I think about it all the time so I made the decision to just do it today. I always get so many other things done when I have a daunting task in front of me. I finally purchased an app I have wanted for a while. I played with it for a bit. I played a game for a while. ...

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Fighting With The Blank Slate

Dec 31, 2014 by

I have often said that once we have an awareness of our problems or concerns we have gained ground in our battle to freedom. If we aren’t aware of a situation we can’t improve the situation. With that in mind, over the past year I have been aware that my creativity is drained. My focus has been in other places. The beginning of the year I was working on keeping my head above water dealing with anxiety issues. The second part of the year I shifted to being a caregiver for my husband. This year has been magical and exhausting at the same time. Earlier this year my anxiety got to a point where I couldn’t travel. My  functioning was shutting down. I didn’t want to leave the house. My speech was effected. I...

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The Gift of Headspace

Oct 9, 2014 by

Before my gambling addiction I took pride in being responsible. If I said I was going to do something you could be sure that I would make it happen. Looking back I realize it was a point of confidence bordering on arrogance for me. It was also a heavy burden to bear because it was forced on me through my family’s situation. I didn’t get to have much of a childhood because I had to take care of my aging grandparents and my mother who refused to grow up. I learned many valuable lessons from this time in my life. Ultimately the pressure got to me and became one of the reasons escape into a casino was so delicious. I didn’t have to feel so overwhelmed when I was gambling. It was a legal...

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Say Something

Oct 1, 2014 by

I haven’t forgotten you. In fact, I have missed you. I’ve had a few life bricks thrown at me. This summer was a constant pounding of lessons. There is no control. What’s real? What is love? Who am I? Where is my heart? How can I possibly choose? Follow my intuition. Speak up Jane. Watch the storms roll in and disappear. Appreciate each and every sunrise because it may be his last. Where did he go? Is he coming back? What do I tell them? Can he hear me? Does he want me? Maybe I’m hurting him. Is music too much stimulation? Maybe I shouldn’t be making jokes about everything. What if laughter isn’t the best medicine? Climb and keep going until I reach the 11th floor. Faith. Love. Surrender. Life. Death. Miracles. Desperation....

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